Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, filling station, gas station, grammar, history, humor, lubitorium, pagoda, strange word, Wadham's Oil & Grease, weird word, writing

Hard to believe we’re almost halfway through the month of December already! Things are gearing up for Christmas – items checked off lists, cookies are baked, and travel plans arranged.

Raise your hand if you’re driving any distance to visit family or friends this holiday season!

If so, you’ll appreciate the nostalgia of this week’s Weird Word. It’s lubitorium and chances are, you’ll need a modern variation of one somewhere during your trip.

A lubitorium is a service station. For today’s purposes, I’m not talking about the mini-marts sprinkled along America’s highways, convenience stores where you can fill up your gas tank, then head inside for bakery, coffee, a gallon of milk or even rent a movie if your heart desires.

No, the lubitorium I’m talking about is the kind I remember from childhood, the one where a bell sounded inside the shop when your car pulled alongside the gas pump. A uniformed attendant would trot out, ask how much gas you wanted, then proceed to clean the windshield while the gas was being pumped. There was often a service bay on the side of the building, where mechanics worked on cars.

Wadham’s Oil & Grease

And boy, oh, boy, did companies outdo themselves trying to make their lubitoriums stand out from the competition. Wadham’s Filling Station built pagoda-style stations, and other companies developed themed buildings, all designed to bring in business.

American’s highway system spread after President Dwight Eisenhower signed the Federal-Aid Highway Act of 1956, which authorized construction of a network of highways across the country. That expansion allowed people to travel farther, faster; this, coupled with the gas crises of the 1970s, signaled the decline of lubitoriums as we knew them.

But we can still have fun saying lubitorium! You can even bewilder your traveling companions by using the word in a sentence as you’re driving along:

“Honey, I’d like to stop at a lubitorium before we reach Aunt Myrtle’s house.”

Get ready for the weird looks and have safe travels!

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Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, editing, grammar, humor, ironing, miscomfrumple, proper grammar, strange word, weird word, writing

Welcome to Weird Word Wednesday!

Here’s a word you may not have heard of, but you’ve certainly experienced its effects. Perhaps you dashed out of the house in a panic after yanking on yesterday’s khakis, or found that, overnight, your dog slept on the papers you needed for this morning’s meeting.

In both cases, things got miscomfrumpled. Isn’t that fun to say? When things get miscomfrumpled, they’re excessively creased or rumpled.

But let’s back up a second – why must we have everything crease-free and smooth? Ironing certainly isn’t one of my favorite household chores, and if it were socially acceptable to parade around looking like I slept in my clothes, I might just try it.

I used to work with a guy who didn’t pay much attention to the little things. This was evident when he bought clothes. Gary (not his real name) would show up having only just removed his new shirt from its cardboard-lined package. He’d button it up and head for work, where we noticed the packaging creases and strange whiff of “new clothes” as he passed by.

This sartorial bad habit of Gary’s unknowingly got him a few eye rolls, but after a while, we all got used to this quirk.

From what I could find, the practice of ironing cloth has been around for centuries. Back in the B.C. days, the Chinese used pans filled with hot water to smooth fabric. My great-grandma used an old-fashioned iron that she set back on the stove to heat up between shirts. What a load of work that was! Maybe that early experience gave me my current dislike for ironing…

We generally don’t like to be miscomfrumpled. And it shows:

For years, Mrs. Twinkenwiffel refused to keep Mitzy, her biting Chihuahua, on a leash when the mail was delivered. Edna, the mail carrier, retaliated by miscomfrumpling the covers of Mrs. Twinkenwiffel’s catalogs ever so slightly.

So whether it’s clothes, catalogs, or khakis, we have issues with things being miscomfrumpled. Do we need a National Miscomfrumpled Day to just let it all hang out? At least we’d have an excuse to run around wrinkled!

Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, corporate culture, Gettysburg, grammar, history, humor, politicians, President Clinton, President Obama, proper grammar, strange word, weird word, writing

You know them.

They’re out there.

You either work with them, or you’ve heard them on television.

They’re bafflegabbers, people who use pretentious and vague-sounding words or phrases, when more direct speech would suffice.

The temptation to pick on the government here is almost overwhelming, isn’t it? Politicians are especially known for spewing out phrases that leave us scratching our heads, and for using words that really don’t mean anything at all.

For example, I’ll give you an excerpt from Edward Everett’s speech at Gettysburg on November 19, 1863. It was a two-hour doozy that probably left people half-asleep and drooling on their dresses. If you’re feeling adventurous, the entire speech can be read here.

Edward Everett

“…And shall I, fellow citizens, who, after an interval of twenty-three centuries, a youthful pilgrim from the world unknown to ancient Greece, have wandered over that illustrious plain, ready to put off the shoes from off my feet, as one that stands on holy ground,–who have gazed with respectful emotion on the mound which still protects the dust of those who rolled back the tide of Persian invasion, and rescued the land of popular liberty, of letters, and of arts, from the ruthless foe…”

Zoinks! That’s a bafflegabber!

Keep in mind that bafflegabbing isn’t strictly limited to pompous speeches like Everett’s. In our need-it-yesterday, team-oriented culture, we’ve come up with a few humdingers of our own, phrases that mean…what, exactly?

Take it to the next level

Giving 110%

Best Practices

These are examples of corporate lingo that doesn’t pinpoint anything specific.

Really, who’s going to suggest using “worst practices” anyhow? Sometimes, though, joining the corporate culture-speak can get you into hot water:

When Melvin promised to “take it to the next level,” his coworkers were uncomfortably reminded of his plans for last year’s National Flashlight Day celebration, which had taken a bizarre turn for the worse.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and strangely enough, a politician had the answer!

In 1998, President Bill Clinton issued the “Plain Writing in Government” memorandum. This encouraged  government agencies to use understandable, easy-to-read language when communicating with the public.

Apparently, it took a while to catch on, because in 2010, President Barack Obama issued his own Plain Writing Act of 2010, requiring federal agencies to “simplify bureaucratic jargon.”

The “best practice” here? Keep it simple and straightforward!

Weird Word Wednesday!

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colonists, copywriting, editing, farctate, grammar, history, holiday, humor, president, proofreading, proper grammar, strange word, stuffing, Thanksgiving, turkey, weird word, words, writing

metro.co.uk

It’s Weird Word Wednesday! For those of you still stuck at work, take heart – tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, when most of us get a  day off work to celebrate the hours-long foodathon. Some of us even get an extra day off to recuperate!

Thanksgiving itself originated with the first settlers. In 1621, Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians gathered for a harvest meal, one much different from the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and pie of our current feast. Instead, they probably dined on, among other things, venison, squash, corn, grapes and berries.

The tradition of a meal held in thanksgiving continued for decades, and in 1863, President Abraham Lincoln declared a national Thanksgiving Day, held each November.

While most Thanksgiving revelers might not know today’s Weird Word, they’ll certainly feel its effect after they push their chairs away from the table!

Our word is farctate. It means “stuffed; overfilled,” or “filled to capacity.”

It’s also fun to say! The “c” is hard, and the word is pronounced with the accent on the first syllable. Phonetically, it’s “FARK-tate.”

In use, it’s like this:

After wolfing down six pieces of Aunt Edna’s mincemeat pie, Eudora was so farctate that she doubted she’d be able to help with the dishes. This was a Thanksgiving trend of Eudora’s that Phoebe, Eudora’s sister-in-law, noted with great perturbation.

In another “strange but true” bird-related event:

Workers wearing biohazard suits entered a home in a Chicago suburb, removing “an estimated 300 birds, junk and waste from a hoarder’s townhouse.” The bird-loving owner’s home was so farctate that he could no longer live there safely.

Thankfully, the man lived alone! His intentions were good – he started with one bird and just couldn’t say “no” to hundreds more, so I think he can be pardoned.

Much like our nation’s official Thanksgiving turkey! It’s an odd custom with murky origins, but each November, our president pardons a Thanksgiving turkey. The grateful bird even has a “backup” bird, much like a second in a duel, only without the gunfire.

swick.co.uk

Their unfortunate cousins, however, are positively farctate by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, stuffed in preparation so we can stuff them.

Enjoy the holiday!

Nothing Really Matters…Anyone Can See…

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Bohemian Rhapsody, copywriting, editing, grammar, history, humor, irregardless, irrespective, proofreading, proper grammar, Queen, regardless, strange word, writing

Today we’re entering our time capsule, traveling back to 1975. I won’t ask you to scrounge in your closet to find those old hot pants, or that three-piece polyester suit that was so “au courant” back then – what inspired me today was the song “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen, released in 1975.

One of my favorite covers of that classic comes from the Muppets, who performed their own “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Remember the start, with the chickens and Gonzo whispering “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” It was a hoot!

Today’s grammar conundrum involves a word that people use incorrectly to mean that something doesn’t matter.

Irregardless.

Actually, that’s not a word. It’s a mix of two words: “regardless” and “irrespective.”

The dictionary defines “regardless” as an adjective and an adverb, both generally meaning “in spite of everything,” or “careless of the consequences.” Like this:

Regardless of the fact that Zilpha disdained his efforts, Melvin continued inviting her to the Pigeon Club’s monthly meeting.

Closely related to “regardless” is “irrespective,” which means “without regard to something else.” Like this:

Irrespective of Clarice’s requests, Horton continued wearing his sombrero to bed at night.

In both instances, something is happening without regard to another event, or without regard to possible consequences, especially in Horton’s case.

It isn’t as bad as “Bohemian Rhapsody,” where the singer is on the floor in a heap at the end of the song, moaning “nothing really matters…to meeeee,” but there is a disregard for future events in our examples.

Just remember – there is no “irregardless,” regardless of what anyone says!

Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, editing, fashion, grammar, history, humor, medieval, proofreading, proper grammar, shoes, strange word, weird word, winklepicker, words, writing

Winklepicker! This week’s Weird Word’s just plain fun to say. Winklepicker!

Winklepickers are vaguely Medieval-looking, which is when they first came into vogue. These shoes were spotted on the feet of the French ruling class back in the late 1400s. You really had to be nimble-footed to flap around town wearing these things! Sometimes, the points were so long that wearers tied a string from their knees to the shoe’s tips to keep the points from getting in the way as they stumbled about Ye Olde Town! And they talk about suffering for fashion nowadays…

atomretro.com

A few centuries later, the winklepicker was revived, albeit with a few changes. This time, 1950s and 60s British rock ‘n rollers and their fans took to wearing them, and thankfully, these modern versions didn’t need the knee strings! These funky winklepickers sported buckles, perforations, prints, you name it. Women even got in on the act, wobbling along on high-heeled versions.

So, what is it about shoes? I was in a book store in Manitowoc, WI., a few months ago, and came across a small book about the history of shoes. I don’t remember the title, but I do remember seeing a pair of men’s high heel shoes, dating back to the early 1700s, when King Louis XIV of France, wore heeled shoes, some decorated with battle scenes. These pumps towered with five-inch heels, and Louis took it a step further, issuing a royal decree that no one else’s heels could be higher than his. Hmmm…I sense a smidgen of royal insecurity here…

blog.lulus.com

Meanwhile, in Venice, Italy, women were traipsing along on platform shoes called”chopines.” These monsters could reach twenty inches in height, and women wearing them were often accompanied by a servant who would help their mistresses totter around town. Height conferred status – the higher the platform, the higher the status of the wearer. There was a secondary purpose to chopines, too  – back then, Venice wasn’t known for being the cleanest city, with debris and even sewage clogging the streets, so being high off the walking path had its advantages. No winklepickers here!

I’ll leave the last word to a five-year-old I know. Girls this age love dressing up, and they’re not at all afraid to mix patterns with sequins, stripes and even feathers if they’re handy. When birthday time rolled around, this little girl wrote out a list of ten items she wanted, and number eight was the following:

“A pair of high hell shoes.”

That pretty well says it all!

Toad Stew

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charlatan, copywriting, editing, George Washington, grammar, Henry Wiencek, history, humor, proofreading, proper grammar, snake oil, strange word, toads, toady, weird word, words, writing

I thought it might be fun to take a word we hear often enough and consider its history. I’m reading An Imperfect God: George Washington, His Slaves and the Creation of America, by Henry Wiencek. On page 157, Wiencek discusses being ruled with an “arbitrary sway” and how “that could turn a proud, independent man into a toady.”

I stopped reading at that point and wondered how in the world an amphibious term morphed into something derogatory. When I think of “toady,” other synonyms come to mind: boot licker; flunky; lackey; teacher’s pet; brown noser…the list goes on and on, and none of those terms are flattering.

Turns out we have to head back to the late 1500s to learn the answer to the riddle of how toads came to be viewed with derision. Back then, all toads were considered extremely poisonous in a “touch-them-and-die” kind of way, and trust a snake oil salesman to get on stage and come up with a way to exploit the public’s fear.

At markets and exhibitions, the unscrupulous salesman would have his assistant pretend to eat a toad. Horrified onlookers would gasp and cringe, certain that the hapless assistant was on a fast track to imminent doom.

But wait! The assistant might be gasping on the stage, clutching his throat and breathing his last, but the salesman had just the thing in his bag of tricks. Out came a bottle of snake oil, sold by the gallon to unsuspecting fairgoers, now assured that with a few gulps, their homeward journey was safe. No need to fear the gangs of toads leaping from behind trees to accost weary travelers! Whew!

The salesman’s toad-eating apprentice was called, aptly enough, a “toadeater.” Often, these assistants were young, and some were mentally challenged, which, at that time, meant they were objects of contempt, fit only for the lowest jobs. They served the needs of the snake oil salesman with their toad-eating behavior.

See where this went? Toadeaters were viewed with scorn, and over time, the term was shortened to toady, meaning anyone who served another with their behavior. Today, we consider a toady to be someone who sucks up, who behaves in a fawning manner. Not a good thing.

toadilytoads.com

Thankfully, we’ve reached Toad Enlightenment, and the little critters no longer frighten the way they used to 500 years ago. I did a little research and learned that toads are prolific pest eaters, and their presence is desired by some gardeners. I even found a website that sells toad houses, little clay things that look like charming English cottages. Line up a bunch in your garden and start your own Toad Subdivision!

Just don’t be a toady.

Planes, Trains and Grammarmobiles…

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Bolsheviks, copywriting, editing, grammar, humor, Nicholas II, proofreading, proper grammar, run-on sentence, Russia, train, Trans-Siberian Railway, writing

The Trans-Siberian Railway in Russia draws passengers year-round, and riding its entire 5,700-mile length takes eight days and spans seven time zones. There are several route options, but travelers going the full distance from Moscow in the west to Vladivostok (northeast of North Korea) in the east, can travel in style in first-class compartments called “spalny vagons.” That rolls off the tongue nicely!

Tsar Alexander III initiated construction of the railway in 1891,and when he died a few years later, his son, Nicholas II took over. The railway was completed in 1905; Nicholas, last of the Romanovs, abdicated in 1917 and was killed by the Bolsheviks in July, 1918.

But the Trans-Siberian Railway carried on, and to this day it remains an honest-to-goodness working railway, toting immense amounts of cargo from one end of the immense country to the other.

But what do trains have to do with grammar? They’re a great metaphor for today’s topic: run-on sentences.

By definition, a run-on sentence has two independent clauses (each can stand alone as a sentence) joined together without benefit of proper punctuation. Like a train that roars right past its station, a run-on sentence blazes through to the end of a sentence, reaching the period out of breath and slightly disjointed. For example:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention it was turning out to be a long weekend.

Fixing this centers around inserting a semi-colon in the proper place, inserting a coordinating conjunction right after a comma, or creating two separate sentences. If we choose the first option, it’ll look like this:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention; it was turning out to be a long weekend.

We can also add a conjunction after the comma:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention, for it was turning out to be a long weekend.

And just because the Trans-Siberian Railway spans 5,700 miles doesn’t mean run-on sentences are always long; it’s the lack of proper punctuation that derails them. Like this:

Edwin ate too much he ended up with a terrible stomach ache.

Yikes! Not only is Edwin sick, but so is that sentence! There are actually two complete sentences jammed into one.

Like the previous example, we can fix the sentence by adding a semi-colon, a conjunction, or creating two new sentences. If you choose the last option, be careful that you don’t lose the original meaning of the thought by creating sentences that read “choppily.”

Edwin ate too much. He ended up with a terrible stomach ache.

Those new sentences sound broken-up and uncomfortable to read, so it’s better to use punctuation or a conjunction to make the sentence flow.

If you’re joining two sentences that can stand alone (independent clauses), make sure to join them with proper punctuation, a comma and a conjunction, or create two separate sentences. Think of those options as “train depots” on your way to a smooth journey and you’ll do fine!

An Ounce of Prevention…

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Ben Franklin, Benjamin Franklin, copywriting, editing, grammar, humor, prevent, preventative, prevention, preventive, proofreading, proper grammar, writing

Ben Franklin, who lived to the ripe old age of 84, wore many hats – Founding Father, author, scientist, inventor, statesman. You name it, Ben tried it. We have him to thank for bifocals, the Franklin stove, and the subscription library, forerunner of our modern libraries.

In 1732, he began writing “Poor Richard’s Almanac,” which included poems and sayings, one of which – “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,”- inspires today’s tidbit:

Is it “preventive” or “preventative”? It can be a bit of a soapbox issue for some.

Merriam-Webster defines the verb “prevent” as follows:

1.  To hold or keep back

2.  To keep from happening or existing

If we toss out two examples, we have:

Sam held his arm out firmly to prevent the toddler from falling down the steps.

By stuffing the hideous shirt in the bottom of the garbage, Edna prevented Orville from leaving the house dressed like an idiot.

In both examples, the subjects prevented something from happening. The toddler is safe, and Orville can head to work, dressed in sartorial splendor. Or not.

For a while now, I’ve noticed an interloper, a sneaky almost-twin inserting itself into unsuspecting sentences. It’s preventative and I’m sure you’ve seen it, too.

At one of my previous jobs, the maintenance crew performed what their books called “preventative maintenance” on factory equipment to make sure the machines ran properly.

But what, exactly, were they preventativing from happening? Weren’t they instead preventing potential equipment meltdowns by performing routine maintenance? So wouldn’t it be preventive maintenance? I think so!

Both words have the same meaning, so does it really matter which one you use? Maybe most people don’t care; to those who do, it matters. One source I checked suggested that “preventative” is “often used in publications and websites not known for high editorial standards.”

So today’s tidbit boils down to a choice. While it may  not seem like a biggie, good grammar always wins out. I’ll leave you with a quote from Sigismund of Luxemburg, Holy Roman Emperor from 1433 – 1437. Sigismund, known more for his wars and conquests than his bookish thoughts, once uttered:

“I am the Roman Emperor, and am above grammar.”

Take that!

 

 

Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, editing, gongoozler, humor, proofreading, rubbernecker, slacker, small town, Wednesday, weird, words, writer, writing

Wow is right! We’re halfway through the week, so it’s time for another weird, week-brightening word.

Today’s word is gongoozler.

Perhaps you know one. You maybe even work with one. But first we need to back up, historically speaking, just a tad.

The word, less than a century old, came about to describe people who stood idly by, watching activity on canals. Boats, fishermen, barges, you name it, a gongoozler would spend his days hangin’ out, watching river life floooow by.

The term was broadened to mean any person who watches work swirl around them while they do nothing. In the very small town where my grandparents lived, the older, retired men of the community would gather a few times a week at a local coffee shop to play dominoes while they kvetched about their neighbors, the glacially slow pace at which their Social Security checks took to arrive, and life in general.

The monotony broke one day when a street crew arrived to redo the storm drains. Men in orange hard hats directed the pounding of jackhammers and rumbling backhoes as an entire block of Main Street was torn up for a week or two, the relentless racket making a good game of dominoes impossible. Instead the elder statesmen headed for the sidewalks, watching – and commenting, I’m sure – as new drains were installed.

My uncle dubbed this bunch the Sidewalk Superintendents, who bore a striking resemblance to the gongoozlers of old.

See where I was going with my earlier question? I’m sure you know a gongoozler – someone who has no problem watching work take place while they give no thought to helping out.

We call them slackers or rubberneckers, and either way, they’re slightly annoying. And, alas, workplaces are filled with these people. There’s no way around it, save for hiding in the bathroom all day, which becomes impractical, especially when lunchtime rolls around.

I think the women of my grandparents’ town knew how to get rid of their gongoozlers – toss them a box of dominoes and tell them there’s a hot game happening downtown!