Three Steps to Avoid the Cement Truck of Creativity…

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advice for writers, creative writing, editing, grammar, procrastination, proofreading, writing

It  happens to all of us sooner or later. Whether you’re a writer, a painter, an engineer or a pastor, we all have projects that need doing – books and articles to write, a looming customer deadline, a sermon that won’t reveal itself.

And there you sit…and sit…and sit.

I’ve been there, and I’d have to guess that you have, too. Words don’t magically appear on my computer screen, and things outside the window are suddenly a lot more appealing than what I’m really supposed to be doing.

The ideas are like cement – lacking color and flowing at a glacial pace.

I sometimes struggle with how to begin, and I mean that quite literally. I have the germ of an idea, waiting to burst through the soil of my mind, but I can’t seem to think of the introduction. Oh, sure, everything else lurks just beneath the surface, but I can’t get that first line to materialize.

Over the years, I’ve learned a few things that I hope might help you.

1)  Write around the block. When the introduction won’t come, I start in on the rest. Once, I even went so far as to write “this introduction sucks” at the top of the page, then went on to write my article. After I reviewed my work, an introductory paragraph popped in my head, so I ran with it.

2)  Run around the block. Literally, if you have to. Otherwise, step back. Sometimes our brains become so bogged down in fleshing out ideas that we lose the ability to sift and sort, choosing what’s important. When I feel my hair standing on end, I know it’s time to step away. There have been times when a mundane activity like washing the dishes unleashes an idea. It’s weird, but when I stop chasing, the idea often comes to me.

3) Just do it. I’m a planner, an investigator. While that’s great for gathering information, it can also be an excuse to procrastinate. I can “justify” avoiding work because of my “need” to gather more information. A few days ago, I had a wonderful chat with my friend, Cassy Tully, who told me that sometimes you “just have to do it.” Wonderful advice!

How do you break through the occasional cement block of creativity? I’d love to hear your ideas, because I’m always looking for ways to improve my productivity – both in writing and life in general.

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High-Heeled Bowling Shoes

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Christmas, editing, grammar, holiday, humor, proofreading, proper grammar, shopping, strange word, writing

I stopped at the credit union the other day to withdraw some money for Christmas presents. To entertain customers while they waited, the credit union installed a television behind the tellers’ counter.

Screen after screen displayed fun Christmas facts. One said that if we were to buy the original gifts from “The 12 Days of Christmas,” song today, it would set us back a whopping $107,000. That’s a big holiday budget!

At this time of year, retailers are having a field day – I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten many emails with subject lines like “The 12 Gifts of Christmas,” all designed to send me dashing back to the credit union for more wads of cash to buy  whatever’s being sold.

It reminded me of a word I came across recently: emacity. This obscure word relates to a fondness for buying things. Thanks to my handy dandy Latin dictionary, I learned that emacity has Latin roots, from “emo” meaning “to buy or purchase.”

Emacity isn’t a word we use often; despite that, we act as if we know just what it means. According to one source, 2012 holiday spending in the United States has already reached $27 billion! Yowza!

And with the media showing clips of shoppers camped out for days in front of Target and Best Buy, waiting for the doors to open on great markdowns inside, it’s really no wonder we’ve attained such crazed levels of emacity.

Nellie’s emacity reached a fevered pitch at the Spare Me Bowling Shop. She mowed over store signs and plowed past shoppers in her zeal to buy nine pairs of high-heeled bowling shoes.

Whoa, Nellie! She might want to check out “One Cent at a Time,” a neat blog that discusses a different definition of what it means to be rich. You don’t need to sell your belongings and live in a pup tent along the highway to achieve this; rather, ask yourself how you’re already rich and what you’re thankful for. I’ll bet it isn’t anything that money can buy, and if that’s the case, I’m really happy for you.

retrothing.com

So…whether you simply must have another pair of stylin’ bowling shoes, or feel the need to go on a shopping frenzy of another kind, keep a quote from Ben Franklin in mind:

“Rather go to bed without dinner than rise to debt.”

Weird Word Wednesday!

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colonists, copywriting, editing, farctate, grammar, history, holiday, humor, president, proofreading, proper grammar, strange word, stuffing, Thanksgiving, turkey, weird word, words, writing

metro.co.uk

It’s Weird Word Wednesday! For those of you still stuck at work, take heart – tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, when most of us get a  day off work to celebrate the hours-long foodathon. Some of us even get an extra day off to recuperate!

Thanksgiving itself originated with the first settlers. In 1621, Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians gathered for a harvest meal, one much different from the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and pie of our current feast. Instead, they probably dined on, among other things, venison, squash, corn, grapes and berries.

The tradition of a meal held in thanksgiving continued for decades, and in 1863, President Abraham Lincoln declared a national Thanksgiving Day, held each November.

While most Thanksgiving revelers might not know today’s Weird Word, they’ll certainly feel its effect after they push their chairs away from the table!

Our word is farctate. It means “stuffed; overfilled,” or “filled to capacity.”

It’s also fun to say! The “c” is hard, and the word is pronounced with the accent on the first syllable. Phonetically, it’s “FARK-tate.”

In use, it’s like this:

After wolfing down six pieces of Aunt Edna’s mincemeat pie, Eudora was so farctate that she doubted she’d be able to help with the dishes. This was a Thanksgiving trend of Eudora’s that Phoebe, Eudora’s sister-in-law, noted with great perturbation.

In another “strange but true” bird-related event:

Workers wearing biohazard suits entered a home in a Chicago suburb, removing “an estimated 300 birds, junk and waste from a hoarder’s townhouse.” The bird-loving owner’s home was so farctate that he could no longer live there safely.

Thankfully, the man lived alone! His intentions were good – he started with one bird and just couldn’t say “no” to hundreds more, so I think he can be pardoned.

Much like our nation’s official Thanksgiving turkey! It’s an odd custom with murky origins, but each November, our president pardons a Thanksgiving turkey. The grateful bird even has a “backup” bird, much like a second in a duel, only without the gunfire.

swick.co.uk

Their unfortunate cousins, however, are positively farctate by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, stuffed in preparation so we can stuff them.

Enjoy the holiday!

Nothing Really Matters…Anyone Can See…

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Bohemian Rhapsody, copywriting, editing, grammar, history, humor, irregardless, irrespective, proofreading, proper grammar, Queen, regardless, strange word, writing

Today we’re entering our time capsule, traveling back to 1975. I won’t ask you to scrounge in your closet to find those old hot pants, or that three-piece polyester suit that was so “au courant” back then – what inspired me today was the song “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen, released in 1975.

One of my favorite covers of that classic comes from the Muppets, who performed their own “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Remember the start, with the chickens and Gonzo whispering “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” It was a hoot!

Today’s grammar conundrum involves a word that people use incorrectly to mean that something doesn’t matter.

Irregardless.

Actually, that’s not a word. It’s a mix of two words: “regardless” and “irrespective.”

The dictionary defines “regardless” as an adjective and an adverb, both generally meaning “in spite of everything,” or “careless of the consequences.” Like this:

Regardless of the fact that Zilpha disdained his efforts, Melvin continued inviting her to the Pigeon Club’s monthly meeting.

Closely related to “regardless” is “irrespective,” which means “without regard to something else.” Like this:

Irrespective of Clarice’s requests, Horton continued wearing his sombrero to bed at night.

In both instances, something is happening without regard to another event, or without regard to possible consequences, especially in Horton’s case.

It isn’t as bad as “Bohemian Rhapsody,” where the singer is on the floor in a heap at the end of the song, moaning “nothing really matters…to meeeee,” but there is a disregard for future events in our examples.

Just remember – there is no “irregardless,” regardless of what anyone says!

Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, editing, fashion, grammar, history, humor, medieval, proofreading, proper grammar, shoes, strange word, weird word, winklepicker, words, writing

Winklepicker! This week’s Weird Word’s just plain fun to say. Winklepicker!

Winklepickers are vaguely Medieval-looking, which is when they first came into vogue. These shoes were spotted on the feet of the French ruling class back in the late 1400s. You really had to be nimble-footed to flap around town wearing these things! Sometimes, the points were so long that wearers tied a string from their knees to the shoe’s tips to keep the points from getting in the way as they stumbled about Ye Olde Town! And they talk about suffering for fashion nowadays…

atomretro.com

A few centuries later, the winklepicker was revived, albeit with a few changes. This time, 1950s and 60s British rock ‘n rollers and their fans took to wearing them, and thankfully, these modern versions didn’t need the knee strings! These funky winklepickers sported buckles, perforations, prints, you name it. Women even got in on the act, wobbling along on high-heeled versions.

So, what is it about shoes? I was in a book store in Manitowoc, WI., a few months ago, and came across a small book about the history of shoes. I don’t remember the title, but I do remember seeing a pair of men’s high heel shoes, dating back to the early 1700s, when King Louis XIV of France, wore heeled shoes, some decorated with battle scenes. These pumps towered with five-inch heels, and Louis took it a step further, issuing a royal decree that no one else’s heels could be higher than his. Hmmm…I sense a smidgen of royal insecurity here…

blog.lulus.com

Meanwhile, in Venice, Italy, women were traipsing along on platform shoes called”chopines.” These monsters could reach twenty inches in height, and women wearing them were often accompanied by a servant who would help their mistresses totter around town. Height conferred status – the higher the platform, the higher the status of the wearer. There was a secondary purpose to chopines, too  – back then, Venice wasn’t known for being the cleanest city, with debris and even sewage clogging the streets, so being high off the walking path had its advantages. No winklepickers here!

I’ll leave the last word to a five-year-old I know. Girls this age love dressing up, and they’re not at all afraid to mix patterns with sequins, stripes and even feathers if they’re handy. When birthday time rolled around, this little girl wrote out a list of ten items she wanted, and number eight was the following:

“A pair of high hell shoes.”

That pretty well says it all!

Toad Stew

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charlatan, copywriting, editing, George Washington, grammar, Henry Wiencek, history, humor, proofreading, proper grammar, snake oil, strange word, toads, toady, weird word, words, writing

I thought it might be fun to take a word we hear often enough and consider its history. I’m reading An Imperfect God: George Washington, His Slaves and the Creation of America, by Henry Wiencek. On page 157, Wiencek discusses being ruled with an “arbitrary sway” and how “that could turn a proud, independent man into a toady.”

I stopped reading at that point and wondered how in the world an amphibious term morphed into something derogatory. When I think of “toady,” other synonyms come to mind: boot licker; flunky; lackey; teacher’s pet; brown noser…the list goes on and on, and none of those terms are flattering.

Turns out we have to head back to the late 1500s to learn the answer to the riddle of how toads came to be viewed with derision. Back then, all toads were considered extremely poisonous in a “touch-them-and-die” kind of way, and trust a snake oil salesman to get on stage and come up with a way to exploit the public’s fear.

At markets and exhibitions, the unscrupulous salesman would have his assistant pretend to eat a toad. Horrified onlookers would gasp and cringe, certain that the hapless assistant was on a fast track to imminent doom.

But wait! The assistant might be gasping on the stage, clutching his throat and breathing his last, but the salesman had just the thing in his bag of tricks. Out came a bottle of snake oil, sold by the gallon to unsuspecting fairgoers, now assured that with a few gulps, their homeward journey was safe. No need to fear the gangs of toads leaping from behind trees to accost weary travelers! Whew!

The salesman’s toad-eating apprentice was called, aptly enough, a “toadeater.” Often, these assistants were young, and some were mentally challenged, which, at that time, meant they were objects of contempt, fit only for the lowest jobs. They served the needs of the snake oil salesman with their toad-eating behavior.

See where this went? Toadeaters were viewed with scorn, and over time, the term was shortened to toady, meaning anyone who served another with their behavior. Today, we consider a toady to be someone who sucks up, who behaves in a fawning manner. Not a good thing.

toadilytoads.com

Thankfully, we’ve reached Toad Enlightenment, and the little critters no longer frighten the way they used to 500 years ago. I did a little research and learned that toads are prolific pest eaters, and their presence is desired by some gardeners. I even found a website that sells toad houses, little clay things that look like charming English cottages. Line up a bunch in your garden and start your own Toad Subdivision!

Just don’t be a toady.

Weird Word Wednesday!

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Barney, editing, Florence, funny, humor, Italy, proofreading, semiopathy, sign, signs, Wednesday, weird, words, writer

Wednesdays carry so much promise in our work-related culture. They’re symbolic of making it halfway through the workweek, of climbing that mountain to the peak and glimpsing Friday, glittering like a jewel only a few days away.

Humor certainly helps, and today’s weird word is a fun one. It’s semiopathy and although it’s vaguely medical-sounding, it really has nothing to do with that field. Semiopathy is the tendency to read humorously inappropriate meanings into signs.  Plain old signs like the kind that fill our world with instructions and information, not portents or omens or the doom-inducing kinds of signs. 

Take the one to the left. Semiopathy suggests that if the poor kid is ready to snap, if he’s reached critical mass after watching one too many episodes of “Barney and Friends” he can toddle over to aisle four to find some relief. Probably not what the sign’s creator had in mind, but it’s amusing nonetheless.

How about this one? Semiopathy has me imagining ladies in high heels and men wearing slick-bottomed dress shoes, all in a tangled heap at the bottom of the ramp because they didn’t “slip carefully,” while those who mastered the skill continue on to work, minus the embarrassing mishaps, scoffing slightly at their fallen comrades.

When we were in Italy last year, we stopped in Florence. It’s a wonderful city, full of rich history, absolutely beautiful architecture, great food…and one strange sign. This one popped up all over the place, and we were at a loss to figure out what it meant. No carrying heavy bars across the street? No lugging long suitcases along the sidewalk? We finally asked someone, who smiled in a very understanding fashion, like she’d been asked that many times before. She said it meant, simply, “no crossing the street at that point.” Hmmmm….I’m still not sure about this one.

So – semiopathy is the tendency of reading humorously inappropriate meanings into signs. We see them randomly, and like a small ray of sunshine and Weird Word Wednesday, they brighten our day in unexpected ways. This last sign really has no semiopathic meaning, but I share it because it’s a hoot anyhow. Have a great week!

Planes, Trains and Grammarmobiles…

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Bolsheviks, copywriting, editing, grammar, humor, Nicholas II, proofreading, proper grammar, run-on sentence, Russia, train, Trans-Siberian Railway, writing

The Trans-Siberian Railway in Russia draws passengers year-round, and riding its entire 5,700-mile length takes eight days and spans seven time zones. There are several route options, but travelers going the full distance from Moscow in the west to Vladivostok (northeast of North Korea) in the east, can travel in style in first-class compartments called “spalny vagons.” That rolls off the tongue nicely!

Tsar Alexander III initiated construction of the railway in 1891,and when he died a few years later, his son, Nicholas II took over. The railway was completed in 1905; Nicholas, last of the Romanovs, abdicated in 1917 and was killed by the Bolsheviks in July, 1918.

But the Trans-Siberian Railway carried on, and to this day it remains an honest-to-goodness working railway, toting immense amounts of cargo from one end of the immense country to the other.

But what do trains have to do with grammar? They’re a great metaphor for today’s topic: run-on sentences.

By definition, a run-on sentence has two independent clauses (each can stand alone as a sentence) joined together without benefit of proper punctuation. Like a train that roars right past its station, a run-on sentence blazes through to the end of a sentence, reaching the period out of breath and slightly disjointed. For example:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention it was turning out to be a long weekend.

Fixing this centers around inserting a semi-colon in the proper place, inserting a coordinating conjunction right after a comma, or creating two separate sentences. If we choose the first option, it’ll look like this:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention; it was turning out to be a long weekend.

We can also add a conjunction after the comma:

Clarice wished she hadn’t accepted Hubert’s invitation to the Egg Salad Sandwich Convention, for it was turning out to be a long weekend.

And just because the Trans-Siberian Railway spans 5,700 miles doesn’t mean run-on sentences are always long; it’s the lack of proper punctuation that derails them. Like this:

Edwin ate too much he ended up with a terrible stomach ache.

Yikes! Not only is Edwin sick, but so is that sentence! There are actually two complete sentences jammed into one.

Like the previous example, we can fix the sentence by adding a semi-colon, a conjunction, or creating two new sentences. If you choose the last option, be careful that you don’t lose the original meaning of the thought by creating sentences that read “choppily.”

Edwin ate too much. He ended up with a terrible stomach ache.

Those new sentences sound broken-up and uncomfortable to read, so it’s better to use punctuation or a conjunction to make the sentence flow.

If you’re joining two sentences that can stand alone (independent clauses), make sure to join them with proper punctuation, a comma and a conjunction, or create two separate sentences. Think of those options as “train depots” on your way to a smooth journey and you’ll do fine!

An Ounce of Prevention…

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Ben Franklin, Benjamin Franklin, copywriting, editing, grammar, humor, prevent, preventative, prevention, preventive, proofreading, proper grammar, writing

Ben Franklin, who lived to the ripe old age of 84, wore many hats – Founding Father, author, scientist, inventor, statesman. You name it, Ben tried it. We have him to thank for bifocals, the Franklin stove, and the subscription library, forerunner of our modern libraries.

In 1732, he began writing “Poor Richard’s Almanac,” which included poems and sayings, one of which – “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,”- inspires today’s tidbit:

Is it “preventive” or “preventative”? It can be a bit of a soapbox issue for some.

Merriam-Webster defines the verb “prevent” as follows:

1.  To hold or keep back

2.  To keep from happening or existing

If we toss out two examples, we have:

Sam held his arm out firmly to prevent the toddler from falling down the steps.

By stuffing the hideous shirt in the bottom of the garbage, Edna prevented Orville from leaving the house dressed like an idiot.

In both examples, the subjects prevented something from happening. The toddler is safe, and Orville can head to work, dressed in sartorial splendor. Or not.

For a while now, I’ve noticed an interloper, a sneaky almost-twin inserting itself into unsuspecting sentences. It’s preventative and I’m sure you’ve seen it, too.

At one of my previous jobs, the maintenance crew performed what their books called “preventative maintenance” on factory equipment to make sure the machines ran properly.

But what, exactly, were they preventativing from happening? Weren’t they instead preventing potential equipment meltdowns by performing routine maintenance? So wouldn’t it be preventive maintenance? I think so!

Both words have the same meaning, so does it really matter which one you use? Maybe most people don’t care; to those who do, it matters. One source I checked suggested that “preventative” is “often used in publications and websites not known for high editorial standards.”

So today’s tidbit boils down to a choice. While it may  not seem like a biggie, good grammar always wins out. I’ll leave you with a quote from Sigismund of Luxemburg, Holy Roman Emperor from 1433 – 1437. Sigismund, known more for his wars and conquests than his bookish thoughts, once uttered:

“I am the Roman Emperor, and am above grammar.”

Take that!

 

 

Weird Word Wednesday!

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copywriting, editing, gongoozler, humor, proofreading, rubbernecker, slacker, small town, Wednesday, weird, words, writer, writing

Wow is right! We’re halfway through the week, so it’s time for another weird, week-brightening word.

Today’s word is gongoozler.

Perhaps you know one. You maybe even work with one. But first we need to back up, historically speaking, just a tad.

The word, less than a century old, came about to describe people who stood idly by, watching activity on canals. Boats, fishermen, barges, you name it, a gongoozler would spend his days hangin’ out, watching river life floooow by.

The term was broadened to mean any person who watches work swirl around them while they do nothing. In the very small town where my grandparents lived, the older, retired men of the community would gather a few times a week at a local coffee shop to play dominoes while they kvetched about their neighbors, the glacially slow pace at which their Social Security checks took to arrive, and life in general.

The monotony broke one day when a street crew arrived to redo the storm drains. Men in orange hard hats directed the pounding of jackhammers and rumbling backhoes as an entire block of Main Street was torn up for a week or two, the relentless racket making a good game of dominoes impossible. Instead the elder statesmen headed for the sidewalks, watching – and commenting, I’m sure – as new drains were installed.

My uncle dubbed this bunch the Sidewalk Superintendents, who bore a striking resemblance to the gongoozlers of old.

See where I was going with my earlier question? I’m sure you know a gongoozler – someone who has no problem watching work take place while they give no thought to helping out.

We call them slackers or rubberneckers, and either way, they’re slightly annoying. And, alas, workplaces are filled with these people. There’s no way around it, save for hiding in the bathroom all day, which becomes impractical, especially when lunchtime rolls around.

I think the women of my grandparents’ town knew how to get rid of their gongoozlers – toss them a box of dominoes and tell them there’s a hot game happening downtown!