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Tag Archives: Susie Lindau

How Do You Get Recombobulated?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by dmswriter in Updates

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

airport, airport security, discombobulate, Florida, Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, humor, Mitchell Airport, sunshine, Susie Lindau, travel

I’m not a fan of airport security. I don’t know many people who are.

We recently flew from Mitchell Airport in Milwaukee to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport to catch our connecting flight to Tampa, Florida.

I was in pre-vacation mode, ready to let my hair down in the sunshine when I spotted a sign hanging just past one of the checkpoints at Mitchell Airport. I actually stopped and did a double-take, then started laughing. Recombobulation Lighter

Recombobulation Area?? What a hoot!

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “discombobulate” as “to upset or confuse.” I decided “recombobulate” meant “to clear up or reassemble.”

Seems I wasn’t the only one to notice this cool sign with the made-up word. In the July, 2008 edition of the Journal-Sentinel, the sign – and the reaction it caused – got its own article.

And travelers can identify, including Melissa Fullmore, who called airline travel “a stressful time.”

I agree! In Atlanta, I got barked at by a security guard for not staying with my carry-on during the screening process.

“Stay with your luggage, ma’am. Stay. With. Your. Luggage!”

Right after that, another guard pulled me aside and swabbed my hands. She didn’t even tell me why – just pulled me aside, told me to hold up my hands, and scratched some paper thingy over my palms and swiped it under a scanner. I tried to keep my cool through all this, but really, when they can’t even tell you why you’re being singled out, I started feeling all prickly inside and decided to ask.

Seems the scratchy paper thingy was “a precautionary measure to detect explosive residue, ma’am.”

The last explosive thing that happened to me was when I gave birth to our last child, almost 17 years ago. Sigh…

At that point, I really needed a Recombobulation Area, but large as it is (4,700 acres) Hartsfield-Jackson didn’t even have one single teensy corner set aside to get recombobulated.

It’s always fun to find new words, and I’d like to thank Susie Lindau over at Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride, who came up with some pretty cool new words for 2015.

Eventually, I got recombobulated on my own, and we made it to Florida in one piece.

St. Petersburg Florida is known for its beautiful weather

St. Petersburg, Florida

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The Mouse Jacket

24 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by dmswriter in Updates

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

creative writing, fashion, humor, jeans, mouse, Susie Lindau, Toyota

(A humorous essay from the book I’m working on, The Green Hornet Suit…)

A few years ago, my parents took a road trip to Georgetown, Kentucky, to tour the Toyota manufacturing plant. That wasn’t the sole destination of the trip; it just so happened that the factory was on their way home, and being retired with nothing better to do, they decided to stop.

It also seems that while they were there, Dad needed a jacket. Keep in mind that he’s prone to impulse buying. Some of us are just happy to snag a good deal on a laptop now and then, but when his stops working, say, the lid makes a funny creaking sound when it closes, he’s off to the store for its replacement.

He was a traveling salesman for years, and he routinely came home toting new suits, bags of donuts or specialty cheese, or even bigger things that only fit in the garage. We never knew, because my mom got to the point where she refused to crack the garage door on reality, feeling that ignorance in this matter was her own form of bliss.

So my parents took the Toyota plant tour, getting the lowdown on how all the cars look before they’re recalled. Afterward, Dad decided he needed a new jacket. Why, I’ll never know, because his closet was already stuffed with blazers and button-down oxford shirts, ties dripping off the rack like dead pheasants, but he decided a new jacket was in order, so he bought the Mouse Jacket.

Not the actual Mouse Jacket, but you get the idea...

Not the actual Mouse Jacket, but you get the idea.

I’m sure he could have picked from a number of snazzy Toyota-embellished models, racing jackets, or logoed windbreakers. His, though, was a yawny tan, a nondescript number with a zip front and two side pockets with handy-dandy snaps, practical things meant for storing bottles of blood pressure tablets or dried-up hankies.

It wasn’t “him” at all, and he announced this fact whenever he got the chance.

“Looks like I’ll wear the Mouse Jacket today,” he’d say with a put-on sigh, like he didn’t have ten other jackets to choose from.

My parents would be invited out with friends, the Mouse Jacket a silent, nondescript dinner companion, watching the festivities with a twitchy, quivering air.

“Yes, I wore the Mouse Jacket,” my dad reported after such an event. “I was the only one there with a jacket like that.”

I started to wonder if there was some connection between age and washed-out clothing – kids will wear sequins and stripes, toss on mismatched colors like salt on popcorn, but as people age, their clothing colors dry up, like their sartorial exploration evaporated, leaving behind a crackle-topped pond of memories.

I witnessed this at Sears a few years ago, where my original mission was to find a new pair of jeans. This is more like an adventure that’s best done in stages, the Everest of fashion, if you will.

Base Camp #1 is canvassing the store, seeing what kind of jeans they stock.

Base Camp #2 involves actually taking a pair or ten off the racks and holding them up to your body, flipping them this way and that as you imagine yourself wearing them…maybe.

Base Camp #3 is where you examine the jeans, looking for the crucial back-pocket placement. Too close and your butt looks huge. Too far apart and your butt looks huge. Too small and your butt looks huge…it never ends.

jeans

Not me, but you get the idea.

Base Camp #4 involves narrowing down your choices and actually trying a pair or ten on. Legs too skinny and you’ll look like an ice cream cone. Legs too wide and you’ll look like you’re going to a hoe-down. Combine that with the pocket placement issue and you could be there all day.

Base Camp #5? Maybe you’ll buy a pair, but more likely, you’ll give up and go out for a drink or ten.

I was in the middle of Base Camp #3 when I spotted two grannies a few racks away. They were picking through shirts, and it seemed like one granny was helping the other make some critical choices.

While I agonized over my jeans dilemma, the grannies hit pay dirt.

“Ooh, look at this shirt, Helen,” Granny #2 gushed. “I think it’ll be perfect with the pants you’re wearing.”

I was happy for them! Together, they defied the odds and actually found something to wear in less time than it took me to find a pair of jeans. While I was still struggling to reach Base Camp #4, they blazed past me and summitted before my very eyes.

Then I looked at what Granny #2 held up – a tan, short-sleeved polyester shirt with little bitsy pearl buttons. Helen was apparently going to wear this with the tan pants she already had on. It was an entire Mouse Outfit, defying every fashion law saying you mustn’t, shouldn’t, ever wear color-on-color, especially after Memorial Day.

It brazenly bucked tradition, and darn it all, she was happy. The shirt went in the cart, and the grannies wheeled off to plant their flag at the nearest checkout.

I stood there at Base Camp #3, jeans hanging limply in defeat. When all it takes is a tan shirt and a Mouse Jacket to make you happy, where was I going wrong? Reality zipped up my backside with cold teeth – would that be me someday, shopping with a friend, ecstatic because I found the perfect Mouse Jacket, or an oatmealy shirt to wear with my poly pants?

At this point, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I knew one thing: I wouldn’t reach Base Camp #5 anytime soon.

Mouse

 

 

 

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Tag! Why I Do What I Do

20 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by dmswriter in Updates

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

advice for writers, Barbara Techel, creative writing, humorous essays, Jess Witkins, Peter Mallett, Susie Lindau, writing, writing process

This morning I got tagged by fellow blogger Jess Witkins over at The Happiness Project. Turns out Jess was tagged by Valerie Biel, asked to share with readers why she does what she does.

cartoon_newspaperI’m having fun pondering this one, because I’ve never given much thought to exactly why I do what I do. You see, I’ve always just wanted to be a writer. When I was a kid, I wrote a newspaper – I sold issues to my parents for ten cents a copy and drew illustrations with my crayons. Then in fifth grade, my teacher, the lovely Mrs. Esther Schaef, gave us a writing assignment: make an everyday item sound exciting. I took grass, spelled it backwards in the title, and made a whole mystery out of it. Mrs. Schaef told me it was some of the most delightful reading she’d come across, and that I was on track to becoming a good writer. Yeah, it was only grass, but I was hooked.

So thanks, Jess, for getting me thinking! Here are my answers to your questions:

What am I working on? I’m working on a series of humorous essays titled The Green Hornet Suit and Other Musings. It’s not that odd things happen often, but I do tend to find a lot in life is amusing. When I’m tickled by something, I let it “stew” for a while and then turn it into an essay. I also have the distinct pleasure of being copywriter for Cassy Tully – she’s a fantastic artist, and I get to write about her paintings and her progress. I write regularly for a local newspaper and Lakeshore Living magazine, a bimonthly publication issued by Gannett Media.

Ugly suits are fodder for humorous writing

A bit like the Green Hornet Suit…

How does my work differ from others of its genre? I’ll stick with my humorous essays here. My work is different because it’s me telling the stories, and finding something quirky or bizarre in the interactions I’ve had with the people in the essays. My grandpa, wearer of the infamous Green Hornet Suit (a plaid polyester number that should have been burned) wasn’t by nature a humorous person. He could be exasperating and often tested our patience, but when I stepped back and saw the humor in that, several essays were born.

Why do I write what I do? Like Jess, I believe that everyone has a story. Everyone. Whether I’m writing for Cassy, interviewing someone for the local newspaper, or writing an essay, it’s a story unfolding before me, and because I am a writer, I’m in the unique position of being able to find words for each person’s story.

How does my writing process work? I need to let ideas “stew” before I sit down to write, otherwise my writing feels forced. Sometimes I practice avoidance tactics before I start – clear off my desk, look out the window, crack open another Diet Pepsi – then finally glue my butt to the chair and get to work. Honestly, my humorous essays are the easiest to write – they often come tumbling out, and before I know it, I’ve got a few pages down, so it’s easy to like that work. Then I start weeding, pulling out words and phrases that don’t add to the story. More on that here…

Feedback has also been tremendously valuable. A couple months ago, Jess offered to beta read for me. I sent her copies of several humorous essays, which she critiqued. It really opened my eyes and made me realize that what I viewed as a developed essay needed more depth and detail. Her supportive critique has improved my work, and I keep many of Jess’s comments and questions in my head as I write new essays.

So there you have it! If they would like to participate, I tag the following writers whose work I admire: (If your schedules don’t allow it, or you’re not in the habit of participating like this, there’s no pressure from me to do so).

Susie Lindau at Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride – Her zany adventures always make me smile.

Barb Techel at Joyful Paws – Barb shares her experiences with living authentically.

Peter Mallett at Writing in Color – His website encourages other writers, and Peter’s always willing to offer support and advice.

 

 

 

 

 

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