Tags
career, creative writing, finding your passion, following your dream, following your passion, L'Wren Scott, passion
Today I’m going out on a limb to share the growing concerns I have over the overuse of the phrase “finding your passion” in our culture.
It seems like if we’re not following our passion, searching out our passion, or devoting great amounts of time to even considering what exactly it might be, that we’re not truly fulfilled, not really living life to the fullest.
What got me thinking was this week’s suicide of L’Wren Scott, a talented designer. On the outside, she had it all: wonderful career, exotic lifestyle, rock-star boyfriend, none of which was enough to keep her from taking her own life.
What seemed shining on the outside was probably very different from how Scott felt on the inside. We’ll never know, but it made me wonder about the exterior trappings of following your passion.
I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating in our passion-driven culture. You are not your job. Really.
It’s just my opinion here, but I think people are getting so concerned about finding their passion that they’re merging it into their identity. When passion is outward-focused, a person will never be happy. The goal can never be reached. I see this in countless young people, who change jobs like they change their shoes, trying to find a career that fits, that rewards them completely. A job will never reward you completely, nor should it, because life needs balance.
We need to back up here and ask ourselves another question first:
I had dinner with a friend last week, and we talked about the way people seem to be stuck on finding their passion. Self-help books sag bookstore shelves, TV shows attempt to reveal the steps involved, and magazines blare the topic from their cover pages.
I wish my grandparents were still alive, because I’d ask them if they ever worried about finding their passion. I doubt it. They lived very quiet lives. My grandpa worked at the same factory for decades. Grandma worked as the school lunch lady, which allowed her to be home when their seven kids were. They gardened, bowled, and visited with their friends. Very unpassionate stuff, and yet they seemed fulfilled.
The internet changed the game, but it didn’t come with a rule book. Sure, it made us more connected, more aware of each other’s lives, but we became more inclined to make comparisons that hold no weight, kind of like how many viewed L’Wren Scott’s glamorous life. In the glare of the internet spotlight, suddenly it doesn’t seem “enough” to go to work and come home again, to be fulfilled by a simple life outside a job.
Steve Olsher discusses this dilemma in his post “Avoid Turning Your Passions into Your Career.” We’ve gotten off track, thinking that once you find your passion, money will flow into your pockets.
It doesn’t matter what you do; first you need to figure out what kind of person you want to be.
Then you might not need to hang your hat on the fact that you’re a famous writer. Or a celebrity chef. Because if you’re still comparing your “success” to others, you’ll never get there.
Hard work and a few knocks create success, and if you’re lucky, bring compassion for others. Simplicity, not job hopping, brings joy. Shannon Ables discusses this in her blog, “The Simply Luxurious Life,” and I especially enjoyed her post “How to Create Opportunities.”
It’s not that you shouldn’t be passionate – not at all! I hope you enjoy what you do, and go after what makes you fulfilled. Just don’t look outside yourself for the answer to “what kind of person do you want to be?” Then it won’t matter so much what you do; it’ll matter more who you are when you do it.
barbara techel said:
Great post, Deanne! You and I have had similar discussions around this and I’ve so enjoyed them.
When I hear finding your passion it reminds me of finding your purpose. That has changed for me and I understand it more now. If we stick to one purpose then we might limit ourselves. We might become stuck. We can’t move forward.
At least that has been my experience and what I’ve learned the past year. I think we need to put our heart into being who we authentically are. Doing so is what makes us feel fulfilled and passionate about life – and all that, that encompasses for you.
A purpose to me now feels like a one time thing – though if we look at it as part of who we are and then expand on it, it can take us down many other avenues. As long as those avenues speak to us and what brings us joy. Isn’t that why we are here? To live with more joy? I think so. Then joy leads to passion… and being passionate will just come naturally then… and on it goes.
I could go on and on…. but again, wonderful post! 🙂
-Barbara
LikeLiked by 2 people
dmswriter said:
Thanks, Barbara! Yes, I think “purpose” has much more depth than “passion,” And purpose comes from within, much like you working toward an authentic life. If you’re authentic and purposeful, it permeates everything else you do, so it all seems to start from there, doesn’t it?? Yes, on and on it goes, and you’re right – I’ve enjoyed all our conversations about this, too. More coming, I’m sure!
LikeLike
Jess Witkins said:
This is so wonderfully written! I really think you’ve hit on something. I’m guilty of comparing myself to others way too much. It doesn’t help that I’m a worrier. I KNOW I shouldn’t, but those habits are hard to break. This is really smart advice and I love the question you ask, it shines the “am I happy?” question in a whole new light where you can focus on things you CAN control like your actions and your views on the world around you. I really appreciate this post, you’ve given me some things to think about. Than you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
dmswriter said:
Thanks a lot, Jess, and you’re welcome! I think too many people get hung up on searching for some unknown “thing” that’s out there, when really, your life starts inside yourself. It’s a matter of who you want to be, not what! Keep being happy!
LikeLike
karenspath said:
Very thought provoking! I think that the expression is one of the worst kinds of illusion because it conjures up all sorts of unhealthy images. It’s a one way track to selfishness if a person isn’t careful. I love reading and writing. It might even be a “passion” for me, but if it was the only thing I pursued my entire life I would have a very sad and empty life to show the world. I would lose my family, friends, and community connections. I would lose all the other wonderful hobbies and talents I have and might develop in the future. Focusing solely on a passion would drain all the real fulfillment in life. This is something I hope to teach my kids before they fall into that trap.
LikeLike
dmswriter said:
Yes, fulfillment comes from so many different sources, doesn’t it? If we focus on finding our passion to the exclusion or detriment of other activities or joys, what good is it? Like my parents always told us, a well-rounded life is what to strive for. And the media never says much about that, so it’s definitely something to teach our children.
LikeLike
Austin said:
Susie sent me! Nice post… 🙂
LikeLike
dmswriter said:
Thanks, Austin. Glad you stopped by!
LikeLike
Austin said:
Always happy to make new friends via Susie’s blog party! 🙂
LikeLike
susielindau said:
You make a valid point. I think that finding a passion can mean, taking the time to find out what it is that you enjoy. That can be anything. Cooking. Sewing. Traveling. Reading. I think it’s been skewed to be more dramatic and rewarding monetarily. I think anyone who takes their own life has deeper issues like depression. So sad…
Thanks for bringing this to the party! It will make for lively discussion! Have fun clicking on links and introducing yourself. They should click back!
LikeLike
dmswriter said:
Hi Susie – Yes, you got exactly what I meant, that the phrase has been skewed to mean “finding your passion” must be dramatic and rewarding monetarily, just as you said. I meant that finding your passion is more an internal development process. And it was a great party – I’m still not finished clicking around and meeting new people. Thanks!
LikeLike
susielindau said:
Glad you could come!
LikeLike
diannefallon said:
Susie sent me via the party. Very interesting post. I especially liked your observation about your grandparents. Mine had similar quiet lives, as did my parents, although they got to do a bit more than my grandparents who came of age in the Depression.
We are often beset today with higher expectations that leads to dissatisfaction. It’s kind of a paradox of affluence, the more we have, the more we want.
LikeLike
dmswriter said:
Thanks, Dianne. Yes, when did the quiet lives of our grandparents morph into the necessity to seek and search for a passion? I’m not sure, but I agree with your last statement – definitely dissatisfaction, and wanting more. Maybe someday we’ll start pulling back and creating simpler lives. Stay tuned and glad you stopped by!
LikeLike